Life consists of plenty of ups and downs. However, years of inspirational posters have reminded me that in life how I respond matters the most. My life isn’t riddled with obstacles, and this is largely because my parents had to work so hard to make us comfortable. That being said, years of familial heartache has plagued my family all because of a little favoritism. I won’t specify the details of this favoritism for the sake of my parents. Needless to say, those who should love us unconditionally undermine family connection and then blame us for it.
I got a little excited at this blog prompt. Not because I’m a pompous egomaniac riddled with self-adoration, but because I wanted to take some time to be proud of myself.
Back to the family thing. The reason that I’m going to brag a little is because I HAVE adhered to those principles of inspirational posters. I have (in my view) learned how to respond to that favoritism.
Initially I responded with apathy. I would act like they didn’t hurt me. I would act like jabs at my mom’s and dad’s character didn’t affect our family. But I saw their tears. I saw my sister yearn to visit my cousins but be ignored in her requests. While this made the events less important for my well-being, this response was really harmful. I had detached myself so much from the situation that I wasn’t even recognizing value in my family’s feelings.
It wasn’t until a couple months ago that I realized how much I’ve internalized heartache in my upbringing. By staying silent and creating a facade of eternal joy, I was able to distance myself from the issues. But I’ve developed the resolve to cry. I began seeing pain in my mother’s eyes, and I began learning instead of merely observing.
Crying is often seen as embarrassing, humiliating, and a sign of weakness. But now, I see it differently. It took strength for my sister and mom to yell and cry and see value in their own emotions. And the truth is, we can’t value others’ emotions until we start valuing our own.
I’ve trained myself to cry when something bothers me, and to have the bravery to dig deep and ask myself whether or not I’m happy. That does take resolve. I resolved to stop internalizing and start crying.
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I don’t really know the whole situation with favoritism in your family, but my family also has a sense of favoritism. I’ll wish I could be as blatant as I want to be, but I can’t. Anyway, I hadn’t really noticed it until recently, but my parents definitely have a favoritism, albeit it tends to be in my favor. But mainly it simply places pressure on me and I know that, in the end, I will disappoint.
Anyway, back to you, internalizing definitely sucks (0/10 would not recommend), so good job for not doing that.
You are an AMAZING friend and person, Marls, and don’t let anyone let you think differently (although I can’t imagine anyone trying to do that to someone like yourself).
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This is an interesting take on the topic, as a lot of people would probably be embarrassed to admit that they did something we generally consider to be a sign of weakness, like crying. I think the quality of internalizing one’s emotions is very difficult to achieve, but admirable as well, so I was a little befuddled when I first read this post. However, the more I think about it, the more I realize that I too have found cathartic activities such as curling up in bed and sniveling for a bit can release a lot of pent up stress. I think that even if there’s no one there to comfort us (friends who will do this are truly the best things ever), making a private, physical display of sadness is in a way admitting to ourselves that we’re hurt and a great way to overcome the little hurts we all suffer from time to time.
While it would be nice if we were all able to ignore our negative emotions entirely, I don’t think it would be the best way to live. Feeling pain only makes the best times of our lives feel that much better.
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Internalizing sucks, but don’t be afraid to let is our sometimes. That is something I have just recently learned not to do. Let your light shine, and your emotions, negative or positive be let out.
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